You work out of a Hotel?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
