Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've blown a few things in my day
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
