Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
