This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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