I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
