listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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