Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
