Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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