i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
