I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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