im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
