no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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