It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
