His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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