I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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