yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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