she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
