It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
