if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
