I think my vagina is haunted
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
