i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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