well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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