those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
