there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
