Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
