my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
