I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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