She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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