You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
