and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
