I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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