i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
