Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
