we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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