two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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