Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
