i was born a porn star she said
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
