Buhtt sex?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
