the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
