No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
