People in love make me want to vomit
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
