matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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