Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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