At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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