there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
