Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
