I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
