ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
