Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
