The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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