I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
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