I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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