dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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