fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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