I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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