Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
