Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
