I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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