i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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