UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
