so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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