I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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