did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
