i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
