We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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