I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can I color on your dick again?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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