Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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