I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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