I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
