she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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