Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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