Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
