i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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